You will find a multitude of styles and materials when it comes to harnesses...but what's the right one for you or your lady? Though it's not always possible, I always recommend trying one from each category to get a sense for what works best with your body type. The basic one to start with is the Double Strap style harness...most couples will start there because of the price and versatility. They adjust up and down to most body types and sizes. Panty harnesses are great but tend to fit small so any ladies with a bit of hips or tummy might feel they aren't super flattering but the right fitting one will feel super comfy and secure. G-String harnesses can be a little flimsy for those of you who like to really give it to your man but they are simple to put on if you can find one that works with your body type. Below are some suggestions:
If you are new to pegging and are looking at the variety of strapons and dildos out there and wondering which one is right for you, below is a guide to help you get started:
Generally if you are first starting out with assplay than I would recommend something in the range of .75" to 1.25". This puts you in the range of around the size of a large finger. Click on the images below to see some examples.
Once you decide pegging is for you and you have no problems taking the beginner dildo than it's time to branch out. This puts you in the 1.5" - 2" range.
For those of you who can take intermediate sizes with ease and enjoy pegging or assplay on a regular basis, you my want to explore some wider and longer dildos. Generally anything larger than 2" + is a great accomplishment. By this stage you know how to prep your ass and have the patience it takes to dilate your ass for larger insertions.
We are kind of new at pegging. He loves the pain he feels the next day when he sits. First is this normal? We started with 1.5" diameter, then 1.75" diameter, now its over 2"s in diameter, so that his asshole hurts. How thick is to thick? Thanks
Congrats on delving into this wonderful new kink! It sounds like you guys are doing it right…gradually working him up to a bigger size. What he may be describing as pain could actually just be that twinge we all feel the next day after a vigorous ass fuck. If you’ve never experienced it then I suggest you do too so you know exactly what he is describing. :) As far as what is too thick? Well we all have our limits. For some it’s 1″ and for others its larger than a fist. The anus is wonderfully expansive with the right prep work, arousal and lube! Many men crave bigger; they love the fullness that comes with larger dildos. That being said anal sex should never result in true pain during or the next day…or it’s being done wrong. I’d definitely get him to describe what he is feeling. If it’s more than a twinge, i.e burning, bleeding, sharp twinges or raw tenderness then you need to back off the bigger toys until his ass is properly opened. See below for how to do that!
With any sexual activity it's not realistic to expect that it's going to be just like your fantasies. Pegging porn is hot sure...but it's scripted. Dominance and role reversal is not always going come naturally to every girl. She may crave a dominant man herself and you've just cast yourself in a different light for her. It can be an adjustment so you always need to approach it with patience and understanding. Talk to her about any concerns she has about taking the lead. Is she worried you will always want it? Is she afraid where it will lead? Those are valid concerns that you need to work through with her. Reassure her you will still be the man she needs sexually and that pegging is just a fantasy not a lifestyle change. It's unrealistic expect her to take on the dominant role right out of the gate AND that it will be a turn on for her.
We've all seen pegging porn where the man is either soft through the fucking or a combination of soft and hard at different times. Does this mean he is not enjoying himself? Definitely not! Let's be honest...butt sex can be an intense feeling at times and can overtake the physical pleasure...even for ladies. Especially if you are new to pegging or assplay. The more you do it (and that can include just wearing a plug around a few times a week) the easier it will be for you to adjust to the sensations and focus on your arousal. It could also be that you need to communicate better with her what feels good and what doesn't. Don't forget to kiss and talk dirty to each other to add in more stimulus for your both. Ladies...if you are flexible, bend down and try sucking his cock while fucking him. Or reach around and stroke his cock while he is on his hands and knees. Just remember to be patient and don't get discouraged. Those hot hands-free orgasms that you see in some pegging porn can happen but are not necessarily the norm without prolonged edging and teasing.
Here are some things to consider as you work towards bringing pegging into your relationship:
1. Don't Overdue it! - Many men take their desire for pegging too far and ask for it all of the time. I know it's exciting and HUGE turn on for you but consider the fact that most women only agree to try it having no idea that you are going to prefer it to "regular sex". Some women will even pull away from it because they don't like the direction their sex lives are going in. So to avoid that pitfall, be sure to ease in and take it at HER pace. Explore her kinks and show just as much excitement for your good old fashion make out sessions as well!
2. Don't Suck it (right away) - Some men in the heat of the moment with start sucking their woman's strapon. I'll be the first to admit that cocks are delicious and I completely understand the urge but just know that it can be very shocking for your woman to all of a sudden see you giving her a blowjob. Even if you are bisexual perhaps wait until you have established pegging as a mutually enjoyable kink before hitting her over the head with another revelation. It will all happen in good time!
3. Don't Go Too Big (right away) - For some men, the attraction to pegging is in being fucking with a much bigger cock than their own. It makes them feel submissive and even humiliated which is what they crave. Ease her into pegging before you reveal that your interest in pegging is anything other than pleasure. Baby steps is always your best bet so try and pace yourself because the pay off will be worth it!
4. Put your toys somewhere safe - Purchase a lockable toy box/cabinet to put your new toys into. It will make her feel more secure about delving into this new kinky realm if she is not worrying about what will happen if someone stumbles on them.
5. Pegging doesn't always need to end in orgasm - A common mistake some men make is thinking that once you start with pegging that's how you end the sex as well. Wrong. Don't forget about her pleasure! Just because you bought her a vibrating strapon doesn't mean you "took care of her needs". It's a good idea to switch from pegging to fucking her and finishing inside her sometimes so she doesn't feel the loss of your normal penetrative sex. Consider the pegging as a warm up or form of forplay and then switch gears so it doesn't become stale or boring for her.
Typically people think of pegging as pleasure for him only. Strapons are not real cocks so how could she possibly enjoy it, right? Wrong. It may come as a surprise to you but women have been enjoying pegging for generations. How you say?
1. Vibrating Strapons - If you are a woman who enjoys clitorial stimulated a little vibration can go a long way. Many strapons have either a little pocket behind the dildo to slip in a bullet vibe or you can find dildos that are hollowed out for the vibe to slide up inside the length. So while you are fucking away you can enjoy some reciprocal pleasure and even orgasm if you keep it up long enough!
2. Strapless Strapons - If you are a woman who enjoys g-spot stimulation and orgasm then you will enjoy strapons that slide up inside of you. Imagine with every back and forth motion your g-spot is stimulated in a symbiotic dance. You will feel like your strapon is an extension of yourself rather than something you just strapped on. Some even vibrate too if you want extra stimulation!
3. Inner Dom - They say we all have one inside of us! For many women just strapping on a cock and being the one to penetrate and fuck their partners unleashes a dom side they never even knew they had. It can be a heady rush to have your man submi
4. The Ultimate Pleasure - For some of us bringing our partner's the ultimate pleasure is turn on enough. Pleasure is found in the very intimate act of providing such intense, multi-orgasmic pleasure that prostate stimulation can lead to.
Heck no. When did we decide that only gay men can enjoy their asses? Men are lucky to have a prostate...the male counterpart to our g-spots. Could you imagine someone telling you that you could only enjoy your g-spot if you were a lesbian? Or that if a man gave you a g-spot orgasm you would somehow turn into a lesbian. That would be silly, right? Rest assure ladies, there is no reason to worry that somehow his sexual orientation has changed because of his newfound interest. Chances are he was very nervous even talking to you about it. Now it's your job to support him and have fun exploring it for what it is...pleasure plain and simple!
That is not to say that there aren't bisexual men out there who enjoy a little assplay from time to time!
The age old question...where do I find myself a kinky girl or guy into pegging and assplay? Well folks, it's not as simple as wearing a t-shirt out that says "Like girlcock?" A great place to start is online. Try using a site that caters to kinks and sexual fetishes like the ones below:
Is it normal to feel pain during assplay/pegging? Yes. Is it necessary? NO! Most pain associated with assplay and pegging is a result of not enough prep work, the wrong lube or cheap toys. Some pain can be actual health issues so if improving none of the above helps...go see a doctor.
How to make assplay/pegging comfortable:
That “tear your apart” feeling usually means your ass is not ready for whatever’s been put inside of it. If fingers feel good then you know your ass likes penetration. It's normal to feel a twinge as you are being penetrated. Make her stop so you can adjust to the invasion and it should pass after a minute of breathing and relaxing.
1. Never attempt anal when you are not feeling perfect relaxed and ready to go down there. If you are stressed or not feeling clean you will likely tense up as she penetrates you and that will equal pain. Having a bath or shower beforehand can often help and make cleaning easy as well.
2. At least 5 minutes of finger play is recommended to work open the anal muscle and prep it for a dildo. For beginners the dildo should be small... between .75 to 1.25" is around the size of two fingers. A small plug can be introduced 10-20 minutes prior while you both enjoy some foreplay to help loosen him up. Or in the bath/shower prior to playtime!
3. LUBE…and not pussy lube either it’s too thin. Anal lube is your best friend...it's thick and long-lasting. If you have a silicone dildo stick to water based anal lube, otherwise you might try a silicone anal lube and see which one feels better in your ass. And remember...as sexy as it is spit doesn’t count as lube and neither does pre-cum! **IMPORTANT** Steer clear of any lubes with a numbing/desensitizing agent such as Analease! You can do serious damage to your ass if you can feel that something painful is happening.
4. Try different positions! Not every position is going to feel great for you so start with the basics and get more adventurous as you get accustomed to pegging. The first position to start out with is you on your back with your legs spread and her on her knees between them (as shown below). The second is with her on the bottom and you on top. This allows for you to lower yourself down at your own pace and be in control of the penetration. These are both great positions because she can see your face and read your expressions easily. Don't be afraid to tell her when to slow down or stop.